They can't, so we will.

If you know me, you know that running has never been my thing. I was the awkward girl on the soccer team that finished every 2 mile run on the verge of tears, because I hated everything about moving my body like that. I have always scoffed at the people (sorry mom) who talked so highly of running because I truly never saw the point of putting yourself through the itching, suffocating and sweat intensity that is called a "jog". If it were up to me, I would rename running to something more along the lines of "swiftly dying" or "painfully struggling to breathe", but there is a reason I don't have the opportunity to rename things because I am the most uncreative human on this beautiful God given Earth. So here we are talking about how much I hate running, yet I have somehow signed myself up to "swiftly die" for 32.4 miles over the next two weekends, and let me tell you why.

In 2013, my sister was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer that she fought hard, AND beat. It took years for her to gain her strength back to normal, and we still hope and pray that the Lord will be faithful and keep Kayla out of sickness, but today she is a walking miracle. Kayla was not supposed to live to see her 21st birthday, but next month she will be 23 years old and almost happily married for 2 whole beautiful years. We are ecstatic and forever thankful for her health, but I am especially excited to cross that half marathon (and 10k) finish line right by her side. Two years ago Kayla couldn't walk, bathe or hardly move on her own, but this Sunday she will defy the power of cancer and show the world that she is strong and a beautiful overcomer (thanks Mandisa). I will run because Kayla is worth the race, and so is my beautiful mom. I could not imagine pushing myself harder for any other two ladies and I am blessed and honored to run by their side (especially in DISNEY WORLD!!!).

The weekend after the Princess Run in WDW, I will travel to New Orleans with some of my best pals and run yet another half marathon (I know, crazy right?). I am so excited and nervous, but I am looking forward to proving to myself that I can complete the difficult task ahead of me. The past six years have made me feel weak and I am ready to be strong again. I have worked hard, but I have also prayed hard for peace and wisdom as I run for the sweet kiddos who can't.  I will run and along the way thank Jesus for each breath I take and for every step I take, because there are children who will never have the opportunity to walk or breathe ever again. 

As we run, each mile crossed is for a greater cause than ourselves. We are running to end childhood cancer and show the world that we need a cure. In order to make our dream of a cure a reality, we need your help. Please consider donating to our fundraising pages so we can work hard to make future generations unaware of the pain and reality of pediatric cancer. There is nothing in this world that is more terrifying than losing a child, so please think about every parent, sibling or family member when deciding if you can give. I will run to find a cure, will you help me?

Each donation goes to Open Hands Overflowing Hearts in efforts to find a cure for pediatric cancer:


OHOH Fundraising for Rock N' Roll 1/2 Marathon

OHOH Fundraising for Princess 1/2 Marathon and 10K

I am Different

This past semester has been a complete whirlwind. I have experienced fear, frustration, hurt and loneliness like I never have before, which is crazy when thinking about what the last four years of my life have looked like. The emotions that run through my body on a daily basis have hit hard and torn me down like a brick wall that can not stand up to a hurricane. It has been a rough semester to say the least, and I honestly can not wait for it to be over... but I do know that the Lord is working in me even if I can't see it.

The past few months have made me realize a lot of things, but the main thing I have realized is that I am different. I am not like most of my friends and probably never will be. I do not like to talk about myself because I am not proud of myself. In the mornings I look in the mirror and get sad because I do not see beautiful... I haven't seen it in a long time. I most likely will not tell you about my future plans unless you ask because I do not see the point on going on and on about something that most people don't actually care about. I will not tell you about how I am doing unless you ask... but then again you still might not get anything out of me. I do not like hanging in the Student Center, or in big groups in general,  because a lot of the times I just feel completely overlooked because I do not have any cool stories or funny jokes to tell. I usually have to ask what people are talking about because I am not in the loop a majority of the time and it makes me feel sad. I find myself crawling in bed at 9pm every night because anything I do past that time is nearly impossible. I have given up on trying to be in groups of people. I hate it, because I do love people, but I don't like who I become when I am fighting for attention. I am worn and find it so much easier to be alone than to be in a group and feel lonely. In saying that, I know that the Lord is continuously working in my life. He has shown me how much I need him and how humans will not always be my refuge. I can not always depend on people to hold me on their shoulders and I have to remember that. Satan has used to this season of my life to chew me up and spit me out, but thankfully my God is bigger than the devil and is sweeping me up day after day. Things are still hard and loneliness is real, but God will always tell me cool stories, keep me in the loop when I am lost, and hold me tight when I snuggle in bed very early in the night.

Earlier this semester a dear friend of mine got engaged. I was thrilled beyond belief and I could not wait to stand beside her on her big day. But that all changed when I realized that no, I would not be standing beside her. I would be in the audience just like everyone else. I was hurt and felt disconnected from her and my other friends that were going to be bridesmaids. I would be lying if I said I was not still a little broken about it, but I have realized that sometimes life hurts. It is not always what you expect, and that is not anyones fault. No one was trying to hurt me and disconnect me from my friends, and even though I still feel it sometimes, I know that I am going to be okay. The Lord is always standing beside me and he never walks away. He holds me in his hands and makes me feel included when life has its speed bumps. This is not to call anyone out, but to help me heal. I need to write my feelings out so I can see myself making improvement. Hurt does not have to be permanent and I have to remind myself of that everyday. I may not see myself the same way as I used to, but I know the Lord still sees me as beautiful and he calls me daughter and I could not be more thankful. I was not rejected, I just wasn't chosen and sometimes that is how life works. The Lord used this event to humble me and even though it was difficult to swallow, I am thankful for the work that he did and continues to do. I am so excited for my sweet friends and the commitment to each other and the Lord, and I am ready to be the coolest audience member out there!

I have seen a lot in my lifetime that a lot of people my age have never experienced nor could imagine. I have seen the people I love the most suffer beyond words can describe. I have heard my parents cry themselves to sleep, I have watched my sister fight for her life for years, and I have watched my brother grow into a young man that wants to accomplish so many things and is working towards his goals everyday even through rough waters. I do not always understand people and if I am being honest, I envy people who have never seen much hardship. I feel different than most people because not everything is so simple for me. I cry myself to sleep many nights a week, I sometimes wake up to another child that has lost his or her life to cancer and wow I am also just so confused most of the time. I am constantly lost in conversation and wish I knew more about what is going on in the lives of the people I love most, but sometimes it is a lot to expect of myself and I know that I have to be more gentle with my expectations. I have to remind myself everyday that God is working in my life and he made me different and loves me for it, even if other people do not understand me.

Sophomore year has been hard. It has been trying and I have considered calling it quits many a times, but God has blessed me with good friends who love me well. Yes there are struggles and yes there are days when I feel like I am suffocating, but He is faithful and takes care of me when life gets different, just like me.

His purpose is greater than our pain.

Plenty of words occupy my mind on a daily basis. Sometimes the words are random and have no relevance whatsoever, sometimes they are important words that I need to remember but usually don't, but often times the only word that floats around in my brain is a word that I don't enjoy thinking about. Cancer. Cancer is a word that makes my skin crawl every time I hear it come out of someones mouth. It is an annoying word and I would do anything for it to never be in existence again. 

Last week was rough. It actually sucked pretty badly. On Friday afternoon I listened helplessly to my sister as she spoke the words "they found three more spots of cancer in my brain" to me. I was devastated, heart broken, and angry. I told her that I loved her so much and hung up the phone quickly, so she didn't hear me start to cry. I had just made it back to my dorm room and I could not even make it up on my bed. I felt like a huge 300 pound body builder had just punched me in the stomach. The breath was knocked out of me and I felt defeated. 

I immediately started praying with tears streaming down my face, "God please heal Kayla. She's so special to me. Heal her from head to toe. Please!" I cried out to our all powerful God because I know that He is good, even when the results are bad. I knew I was about to watch my sister "get back in the fight" once more, and I was not prepared.  

Kayla was my first friend. She tried to carry me into the house on my first day home from the hospital (so I hear) and has not stopped carrying me ever since. I am nineteen years into life and I still haven't discovered the secret to being as awesome as her.  She is my super hero, no doubt about it. We have a special bond that will never be broken and I love that. 

 

Throughout this week the word "Cancer" has been the first word to pop up in my brain when I wake up and the last word hanging in there before I doze off to sleep. How annoying, right? I can't stop thinking about all the sweet kiddos who fight for their lives everyday and how up close and personal I am to those fights. Last Saturday, my heart broke even more as I sat and watched the ESPN special on Sid Ortis. For the second time within twenty four hours, pain overtook my entire body. Sid lost his battle to cancer, and my sister was getting ready to kick its butt. Again. 

So I will go ahead and answer the famous question of the week: "Are you okay?"

To be honest, no I am not okay. I have experienced too much sickness, death, and pain in my short life to be "okay."  The words "I'm good" are what usually come out of my mouth when that question is directed at me. Part of me is lying to you, but part of me is good because I know that God is good. He is good. He is good. He is good. I may not always be able to answer your question like you expect, you know with all the feelings and stuff, but know that I find my hope in the Lord and that makes me more than okay. 

Last week was hard for me to say the least. My whole family heard news that we desperately did not want. We, along with thousands of other people, pleaded for clear scans, but we had to put all of our trust in God when they did not appear how we wanted them.  The Lord has a mighty plan for Kayla's life and I don't doubt that for a second. 

There is nothing greater than the power of our great God and I believe that with all of my heart. Even though there are days when I lose hope and I feel so broken inside that the only thing I want to do is lay in bed and cry, I have to remember that God is good even when times are bad. Sometimes he sends precious friends to come lay in bed with me while I cry tears all over their lap, and sometimes he finds a way to put joy back into my heart right away. He is an awesome God and I am so blown away by how much he loves me. He is my comfort and he holds me in his hand everyday, no matter what. 

Even in the not so stellar days, weeks, months, or even years, God is still good all the time. 

I have to remind myself everyday that His purpose is so much greater than our pain. 

We will praise him for the blessings, and pray for the miracles, just like always. 

Being a college freshman has been a lot harder than I expected. No one told me how difficult it was going to be to make new friends. No one told me that there is practically no such thing as "healthy" food on campus, and no one told me how much I was going to miss my "normal." Those are things that you would expect to be prepared for when you start a new chapter of your life, right? Right, but I still was not even close to being ready. I was under the false impression that new friends popped out of random bushes and dropped out of the sky right in front of you. That does not happen. Just in case any of you were wondering. I kept seeing all these girls on Instagram with all of their "best friends" that they had met twenty six hours previously and being completely confused as to why I was still chilling in my dorm room reminiscing on good memories with my dogs. Don't get me wrong, I do love my dogs, but human interaction is also good for the soul. My best friends were making new friends and It did not take long at all for me to feel like I was being replaced. If you have ever had that feeling before then you know exactly how I felt. I was watching my importance level go down and I didn't know what to do. I was hurt, I was sad, and I was feeling sorry for myself. I was so focused on what I thought was being taken away from me that I did not even take time to think about the doors that the Lord was about to open for me. I was selfish and was not fully trusting God to take care of me and that is what caused so much pain right from the beginning. 

The Sunday before I moved to Auburn, my youth minister from back home pulled me aside. He told me that I am loved, that he is proud of me, and then he made me promise to find a church home as soon possible. So I took his words straight to heart and went on the search for a church family the first weekend that I was here. I was so ready to find a place to call home. There is nothing like finding a place to worship with other believers. Plugging into a church has been such a blessing for me and I have felt an abundance of joy come back into my life. 

After a few weeks of classes under my belt and a few hundred dollars spent on books that I barely even read, I finally felt like a college freshman. I knew the campus like the back of my hand and had most likely gained a few pounds by then. Going back to the "there is no healthy eating on campus" point. Weight gain came quickly and I even found myself praying for a faster metabolism. 

I know, that is a weird thing to pray about, but I guarantee you that I am not the first college student to pray about that.

I also continued to ask God to lead Christ seeking friends into my life. I asked Him for girls who would hold me accountable in my day to day life, who would pray with me in the hard times and praise with me in the good times, and who would love me and all of my weird qualities including my abnormally small hands and freaky long tongue. I asked him for friends, and he provided me with sisters. I joined Sigma Phi Lamba, a Christian Sorority at Auburn, as well as many other Universities around the United States. The girls that I have had the pleasure of getting to know are the the perfect examples of Proverbs 31 women and I am honored to be associated with them. The Lord has absolutely been faithful, and I am so very thankful for that.

Patience is hard. As human beings, we want what we want when we want it and if you're anything like me, you want what you want immediately. I bought a pair of boots off of the internet the other day and I was impatient just waiting for my package to get in 3 days later. I mean how stupid is that considering that it's still eighty degrees outside? It is hard waiting and it is especially not fun. For the first few weeks I was stuck in my own pitifulness and It caused me to be upset because I was not patient. God was telling me the whole time, "Morgan, have patience even in your time of doubt, because I am about to bless you abundantly." 

He is so good to fulfill his promises, His timing is perfect, and we are never alone because His hand is always holding us. He never lets go. Never. 

So why am I writing this? No, it is not to bore you or distract you from all the weird Facebook articles. This is for the girl out there at college who feels like she is alone and is hurt because of it.  My prayer for you is that you know that the Lord blesses those who wait. So even though you feel like you have been waiting forever, stand up tall and know that God is good. HE loves you so much. You are beautiful in every way. As you wait on whatever it is that you have been asking for, remember that His purpose is so much greater than our pain. Life may drag us down sometimes, but know this, God is good all the time and all the time God is good.